I want to do everything, experience everything. I want to live openly, I want to grow constantly. It recently occurred to me that this is much like a toddler experiences and interacts with the world. So if I want to live like a toddler, I have actually to live like a toddler. Which, according to Google, means sleeping about 11-14 hours per day.
I start most days with huge intentions: I make grand plans, start a million ideas with limitless enthusiasm, go into the world wide-eyed and hopeful. Then, by about lunch time, I’m totally fucked. I have no energy to do the other three quarters of my to-do list; I feel grumpy and annoyed with myself and I feel deflated for the rest of the day.
Frustrating as this is, I really appreciate that part of myself that is enthused and fascinated by everything. I want to cherish and nurture it. But living that way is exhausting, especially if you don’t get the corresponding rest to recover from and process that level of engagement. It doesn’t work.
I don’t get to do the first thing without the second.
There’s no point being annoyed at myself for being too tired to live with that intensity. Without the rest I need, my mind and body will find ways to limit my intake and output, i.e., shutting down and disengaging. Which is what I have been doing, funnily enough.
Other Thoughts 