I often feel like an outsider. When I go to a gig and people are talking so loudly that I can’t hear the music, I feel like I’m the only one bothered by it. I’m the odd one out. When I see someone throw litter out of their car window, I feel completely alienated from a world in which anyone could possibly do something like that.
The feeling of being on the outside is very familiar to me and can be easily compounded by witnessing horrible attitudes in the world, presented as if they’re the status quo (thanks social media!). This isn’t helped by the fact that the loud, selfish, inconsiderate actions of others are far more visible than the experience of internal frustration and despair that I feel. Logically I know that this feeling will be shared by others, but it’s hard to trust in that when the evidence isn’t right up in your face in the same way.
It can make things like publishing these blog posts much harder for me to do – why bother putting something into the world when I feel like I don’t and won’t fit into it? That’s not really something I want further confirmation of. It’s hard to look for community and belonging when it feels like it isn’t out there.
However, I don’t want to be controlled by fear. Even if I am an outsider and the way I feel about the world is some anomalous aberration, there are lots of outsiders out there. The awkward weirdos who care about things as much as I do might not be as numerous or obvious, but they must be out there. And I want to meet them. Maybe it’s time to take a risk and go out and find some.
Other Thoughts 